Stop calling the po-po over poo-poo. Oregon police are begging residents not to call 911 over a coronavirus-related toilet paper shortage. “It’s hard to believe that we even have to post this,” writes the Newport Oregon Police Department. “Do not call 9-1-1 just because you ran out of toilet paper. You will survive without our assistance.” The coastal city’s police department also suggests alternatives for bathroom tissue including “grocery receipts, newspaper, cloth rags, lace, cotton balls and that empty toilet paper roll sitting on the holder right now.” “Be resourceful. Be patient. There is a TP shortage. This too shall pass. Just don’t call 9-1-1. We cannot bring you toilet paper,” the cops conclude. Shoppers around the world have been furiously snatching and hoarding toilet paper and other essentials as the COVID-19 virus continues to spread. In New York City, panic buying has taken over and some shelves are all but completely bare. In Australia, tensions are very high over toilet paper, as one video shows customers brawling over a TP package while another shows a stampede of shoppers hoping to get their hands on some two-ply and other household items. Two women were even caught on camera throwing punches in a store over bathroom tissue, and police down under were forced to use a taser on a man who got violent about the dwindling supply. Even celebrities are complaining about toilet paper shortages, such as actress Tori Spelling who lashed out on Instagram. “We’re all sick and the kids’ schools are closed, so we’re all home. And it’s raining. And the stores are out of toilet paper and we have seven butts to wipe and no toilet paper to be found,” the 46-year-old said in a video Thursday.

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